My Biggest Turn-Ons (as promised!)

Biggest Turnons - This Man's Fix

Ok, now that I've completely obliterated a ton of women on the last blog, it's time to bring some attention to those things women do that get me going. Yes, for you Brits, that means randy. Hell yeah, it does.

In any case, there are a bunch of things, so sit down, strap in, shut up and hold on, cuz I'm taking you for a ride through my libido.

Dancing - This, by itself, will have be ready to go at you like a raging bull. This is especially effective when used in combination with one or more of the items listed below. It can't be just ANY dancing though. It has to be a) seemingly directed at me (eye contact helps), and b) be very fluid and sensual (like belly dancing is). :-) *swoon*

Scent - Ladies, ladies, ladies...when you find a really good scent, wear a suggestive amount, not a smack-me-in-the-face-from-across-the-room amount. I have an overly sensitive sense of smell, and when a girl smells good, and I finally meet her, I will always remember her for that scent. It is THAT important.

Kissing - Um...yeah. BIG time fan of kissing right here. On occasion, I'll get more turned on by kissing than dancing, when done right. Yup. I love it that much. This does not necessarily have to include my lips, either. I'm a big proponent of learning someone's body by kissing most of it. :-)

Nibbling - Every guy should know that nibbling on the lower ear lobe of a woman is tremendous; not biting, jackass. Well, I'm here to say, ladies, that it works on me too. Also, that spot right behind the ear and just a little lower. mmmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmmmm

Dresses - Yes, I absolutely love women that wear dresses. Especially nice ones (no, I'm not saying name brand, so don't go get a Donna Karan just for me). If I can see just a little bit of leg up the side, all the better. Try to avoid the form-fitting ones, unless you're going for the "I had this painted on" look, at which point, I'll call my brother and you can date him. Something classy will always win me over first.

Hair - There's just something to be said about a woman with really nice hair. If I see someone's hair from across the room, and it looks really good (color doesn't play much of a part in this, unless it's gray/salt-n-pepper), I will make a HUGE effort to go find out who she is. One thing I *do* know that I love is really thick pin-straight hair, especially when it's light brown or dirty blond. *drool*

Speech - When a woman speaks to me, I can hear inflections in her voice which will generally intimate to me what she's trying to get across. Since I'm half-blind (without my very stylish glasses), I rely on my hearing to tell me what's going on sometimes. If a woman has a very smooth voice, it normally conveys to me that she has confidence in herself. If her voice is very high-pitched and nasal, I'm in the wrong state and should be shot for trying to pick up women in New Jersey. One of my favorite accents, oddly enough, is the British accent. Also, an Italian accent will get me going, especially when speaking Italian. I only understand bits and pieces, since I'm learning Italian, but it just sounds so sexy, and makes me want to rip her clothes off and ravage her in front of the whole planet. I have more self-control than that....barely....

Intelligence - If my conversation with you dwindles to boredom in less than 5 minutes, save your ego and walk away, before I start laying into you for not having anything intelligent to say. Yes, some of this falls on me, but *I* know how to keep you talking. If you can't discuss recent events, well-known ideas, or formulate your own opinions on various topics, I have no further use for you. However, if you can participate in witty banter (I'll admit I'm not the BEST at it), I'll probably call you at least once.

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And now to discuss the bedroom activities that will have me panting for more (thus reciprocating x10)...

Foreplay - Too many women I know of complain that their men don't like/participate in foreplay. I'm here to set the record straight; I LOVE FOREPLAY. I want to take my time to explore your entire body. Slowly. Obviously, if I have you in my bed, something about you got my attention. I could spend hours just touching and kissing. It doesn't even HAVE to involve actual intercourse. Yes, I know, I'm strange.

Massage - I subscribe whole-heartedly to the "massage makes the heart grow fonder" idea. If I break out a bottle of massage oil, don't start assuming I want to go somewhere you're not prepared for. It just means I want to rub you down and relax you. My hands are really warm most of the time, so you should enjoy it. I also happen to love getting sensual massages, so learn how to do them. I'm a pretty good teacher when it comes to this. For that, though, you have to bring a female friend. It's far easier for you to SEE what I'm talking about (since feeling it makes it hard to concentrate), and that friend will be highly appreciative. :P

Condom - If you put the condom on me, it becomes a bonding sort of thing - and it feels hella good. It also means I trust you to do it right, so learn how!

Directions - If there are things about your body that you know will send you rocketing into the stratosphere in ecstasy, TELL ME. The hotter you get, the hotter I get to send you there. If I'm doing a good job (which, chances are, I am), TELL ME. I want to know that what I'm doing is giving pleasure.

Oral - Yes, I can live on oral alone. I, for one, absolutely LOVE doing this to women. I like to tease a bit here, though, because it somehow makes it that much better. Some guys are wusses, and beg off when their woman asks them to do this. I say that's bull. I also expect, however, that I will get it in return, and for more than 38 seconds. It takes me far longer than that to finish, thank you. Oh yeah - looking up at me while doing this ONCE IN A WHILE is cool, too. I'm not a porn director; I don't want to be stared down while receiving.

Multiples - No, I'm not talking about having a threesome; my attention can only go in one direction during sexual interludes. I'm talking about continuing the day's events until you, I, or both have achieved complete rapture more than once. I'm firmly of the mindset that I can get there more than once, and I know for a fact that you ladies can. I am perfectly willing to make an attempt at it. Trust me, you'll know each and every time it happens.

The Aftermath - A lot of women I know also complain about the men in their lives when it comes to cuddling and whatnot after sex. I love to hold the woman I've just been with. Sex is a very special event, and in my mind, not something engaged in lightly. I don't have one-night stands (never had one), and I'm not really down with the casual sex thing. In my mind, sex isn't necessary for a relationship to succeed; it enhances it, brings you physically closer, and just feels REALLY good.

Chances are good this list has far too much information in it for you to process right now. That's fine - you can read it over and over again, and certainly leave your comments on here if you agree or disagree with what I've said. I might not answer you, but that just means I don't care. :P This is about me, not you or your boyfriend/girlfriend. :)

And for my next blog, I'll try to avoid the topic of sex, if only to avoid being completely and utterly horny in my office. It's very restrictive here, although I do have my own door...*wink*

An Update of Sorts

Well, a lot of things have changed in the year and 9 months since I posted last. I no longer live in Maryland. I've worked in 2 hospitals (one in Virginia, one in Iraq), and become a trainer for the Department of Defense on the TMIP program. I've gotten my own place in Northern Virginia, and I also bought a new truck (2005 Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 QuadCab pickup).

I've learned a lot about myself in the last several months, and I think going to Iraq for 3 months gave me a lot more perspective than I had before. It gave me the opportunity to see what kind of person I was, and to learn what I was capable of. It also gave me the chance to make some really good friends, ones I'll not soon forget.
Since my return, I've been working in Falls Church, Virginia, about 3 miles west of the Pentagon. I can see the Washington Monument from my office.

My mother has stayed in my apartment; it was her first time staying overnight in the home of one of her children. My brothers have visited and stayed the night. My pseudo-step-sister has gotten married and had a beautiful baby girl (not necessarily in that order). My father has bought some property, and is building a new house on it as I write this.

I've become a better friend than I ever was, and also been closer to most of my family than ever before. Going to Iraq brought me that.

I've learned that my patience has its limits. I've also learned how to manage my money properly. I've brought my credit score up over 150 points in the last year and a half. I've been offered more credit cards in the last 2 months than my entire life combined.

I discovered that I made the dean's list in my last semester in college. It took me until last weekend to finally pick up the transcripts.

I'm slowly working on getting my apartment and my office decorated nicely. I've got some touches done, and have a pretty good idea how to finish the job.

I dress better now than I ever did before, and I'm much more confident than I ever was. I know who I am, and I'm not afraid of it anymore.

To my family: I love you all. You've played an integral part in making me who I am today, and I want to thank you for that.

To my friends: keep your heads up. Without you, I would have given up years ago. You've given me the strength to persevere, and I wouldn't have made it without your help.

To my future wife: I hope you're ready. I've got more love that you'll know what to do with.

To my future children: daddy will be here for you forever. I will love you with every ounce of my being (or at least whatever's left after your mother takes a lot of it), no matter what. A father's love is unconditional.

To everybody else: make love, not war. We as a species need to come together, learn tolerance and love, and stop with the petty bickering over land and religion. We're all here together; let's make the best of it, ok?

Nerds Unite!

I don't know how this came about, but I've apparently fallen prey to the depravity that is NerdNYC! Happening upon their forums months ago (just before Ubercon IV, to be truthful), I stepped into their world initially to promote the convention. It should be very obvious from the fact that I've posted well over 100 times on that site that I must be a Nerd! Yes. Sad? Not really.
Anyway, I've been looking at the job market down here in Maryland (yeah, I moved weeks ago), and found it to be the second fastest growing job market in the country. The fastest is Hampton Roads, Virginia (hinthint for those of you looking for a change and a nice area to live in). There is a phenomenal amount of work available down here, and several telecommuting jobs I'm applying for that I am more than qualified to do. Love it!
I just thought I heard one of my roommates call my name. She's asleep - kinda hard for her to call out, eh? *spooky*
Off to the races, or better yet, home repairs until I get some word back from the jobs I applied for. Toodles!

A Thought To Entertain

No, this won't be an entertaining post, so if you're really bored, now's the time to escape.
I recently moved away from my chosen home area. I'm not on Long Island, NY anymore, and I probably won't be for at LEAST 6 months. I'll go back to visit - no question about that. I just won't be living there any time soon. Yeah, I miss my family, and my friends, but I needed a change to get out of that rut I've been living in for the last 6 months. Having a severely limited income, and very little choice of employment somewhat reduces the possibility of stepping UP in the world. So for the moment, I stepped sideways and moved in with a friend of mine and his family.
The family I live with now is a rather interesting one. My friend (let's call him Brian*) and his wife (let's call her Tina*) are a very interesting couple. Their 5 children (Matt*, Steph*, Annie*, Noah*, and Alison*) are kinda cool. Noah and Alison are twins, and just under 2 years old. Matt is 14, Steph is 13, and Annie is 9. Annie is rather...fastitidious in her attempts to piss me off. Steph is pretty complacent - when I ask her to do something, she fights it for a short while, then gives in when she realizes I'm right. Matt likes to play Playstation 2 and ignore his surroundings. Noah likes to beat Alison in the head with heavy-duty plastic toys and throw his food across the kitchen. Right now, Annie is asking me for $22 so she can pay for library books she misplaced. She also just tried using my computer as a backpack stand. *sigh* I never had kids of my own (not yet), and this is probably damn good training for the future.
I've got to change a lot of things if this situation is to work out for me. When we get to Maryland (we're moving next week, the movers are packing us up tomorrow), I need to begin construction on the additions to the house (gonna get contractors to lay the slabs and frame out the pieces we need done, completing the outside portions like siding and whatnot before I get started. I'm an interior guy. I can do sheetrock and spackle, and painting even. Electrical work and such aren't my forte, but I can do that, too. I don't know if I can lay carpet, but I can certainly learn how. Once the additions are complete, we can make all kinds of moves to sort the people out a little better. Adding 2 rooms to a 4-bedroom house can be tedious, but that's expected.
Yes, you saw that right. I'm living with a family of 7 in a 4-bedroom house. Impossible, you say? Try it. It's not that hard. :)
Oh yes, and must make mention of a certain witchy-type friend of mine. She put something about me in her blog on livejournal.com (ah, the treachery!) and I felt the need to comment. First, thanks for the message - yeah, I know it was for me. Second, dude, slap your sister silly and punt your dad until he gets the point. Third, thanks for everything. :o)
(* - Names were changed to protect the guilty. *cackle*)

Numerous Thoughtpatterns

There's a lot to talk about these days. I'd actually forgotten I had a blogspot thingie, so when I discovered an email from blogspot.com in my email, I thought, "Hey, why not go post something?" Here it is, for your perusal.
I've discovered that I am an intimidating person. There are a number of reasons this could be possible, and I've decided to list some of the ones that were mentioned to me.

• I'm a single white male, age 26, and I don't sleep with a different woman every night. I actually WON'T. *blink*
• I'm an established computer whiz. Yeah, I know what a computer is. Horrifying, eh?
• I read. For fun. *gasp*
• I play a game that requires me to IMAGINE the scenery, instead of relying on the graphics engine to make it for me.
• I listen to Billy Joel, Rob Zombie, Josh Groban, Def Leppard, Frank Sinatra, Christina Aguilera, Celia Cruz, Mase, and the Cranberries. There are a lot more, but that pretty well covers the genres.
• I live on Long Island and I don't have a car. "How do you get around?" I take public transportation. *gasp*
• I live near the city, but I don't GO there all the time.
• I actually understand the difference between war and genocide.
• I didn't vote for Bush or Kerry.

Somehow I doubt this affects anyone. I've also got a penchant for computer games. Some. Halo 2 on X-Box is out now - yay! About bleeping time. They've delayed release since Spring 2004. Half-Life 2 followed quickly on its heels, released a week later. Ridiculous!
I'm still single (duh). I haven't met the right woman with the right qualities to attract my attention. Yes, I'm male; I'm going to look at all kinds of attractive women because...well, they're attractive. This doesn't necessarily mean that I want the most attractive girl out there. Most of the time, the really attractive ones are vapid, vacuous, and completely useless beyond being eye candy. I want someone with a personality not given to them. I want someone who knows the value of friendship. I want someone who knows that I can accept most people for exactly who and what they are. I want someone who accepts me for who and what I am, instead of trying to change who I am within seconds of meeting me. Yes, it's happened. "Oh, I don't like guys who look at me sexually." Um, hi, I'm a guy. You're an attractive woman, DUH, I'm gonna look. Would you rather I ignored you completely? If every guy did that, you'd develop a complex, thinking you're ugly, and then you really WOULD be ugly, because you'd get depressed, and guys don't want that crap. Men are weak; they think they need an attractive woman to justify being themselves, to show off to their friends. I don't use a woman as a status symbol. I have her there because I value her company, her intellect, and her presence. I value her. *mutter*
This is irritating beyond belief. SorryEverybody.com and ApologyAccepted.com are both gaining popularity, one to the point of really slow site because so many people want to see it. I like both sites, they're a really cool premise. I just can't stand the fact that all of the people on them are apologizing for something they clearly had no control over. The Electoral College is an archaic system devised to rectify the communication problems of the past. Abolish that, and abolish the election of presidents nobody likes. When the people actually control who gets into office, they can't complain anymore. The government needs to change; the people have that power, they just don't realize it yet. Someone has to get the word out. Now. The year 2006 marks our next opportunity to change the way our country is run. Let's get on that.